Paper Thin Walls

My first Harry Potter experience: An open letter to Mr. Potter

Dear Harry Potter,

I finally started reading your dastardly wizard tales. Well, I wasn't really reading them. More like listening. But anyway, don't take it personally. I still haven't read "The Da Vinci Code" either. I have a hard time buying into huge cultural trends when I'm not on the ground floor of them. It's a personal fault, don't hold it against me.

But my girlfriend more than makes up for my lack of interest. She spent the days leading up to the trip organizing a way to ship a Gryffindor blazer from a southern Illinois Hot Topic to one in Chicago, because it was on sale from $50 to $11.95.

And she was the one who finally talked me into doing what no one before her had successfully done: Give you a chance.

I'm some ways into the first book, but I have a confession to make. I think you're kind of boring. Your friends, Ron and Hermione, are much more interesting, as is Dumbledore, Haggard and even Malfoy. Hell, pardon my language, I found the Dursleys much more captivating than you. I wish you did more. I wish you said more. My friends tell me to give you more of a chance, but at this point I'm doing so only because I find the world you inhabit worth my time, not so much you.

I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings too much. You seem like a bright, tough chap so far and, afterall, what are the few words from a West Virginia editor going to do to you that Volde-, I mean He Who Must Not Be Named, hasn't?

In closing, I'd like to ask you to enlist the help of your friends, your fans. Please have them write to me with reasons why I should give you another chance. Also, could you ask them for their favorite book? Because so far, three people have told me to stick with it until book four, because it's their favorite and the one that really hooked them. Frankly, I don't think I can make it that long. You're kind of putting me to sleep.

Hopefully most sincerely yours sometime in the future,

Justin R. McIntosh